Local mother, Nadia Stretch, is outraged after her favourite yoga pants went on strike.
“I tried to pull my favourite yoga pants out of the dirty clothes hamper yesterday, and they refused to get out,” Stretch stated.
“I was perplexed; I wear them everyday! I can barely even stand to take them off to wash them. I love them so much, I even wear them to bed most nights. I just don’t understand why they’d quit on me.”
Stretch’s yoga pants went to their union and are on strike until working conditions improve. They are in negotiations until a collective-bargaining agreement can be reached.
A union representative spoke on behalf of Nadia Stretch’s yoga pants, “They refuse to be worn more than eight hours in a row, and she mustn’t sleep in them after wearing them all day. They’re also demanding intermittent breaks, insisting Ms. Stretch alternate her favourite yoga pants with at least one other pair of yoga pants. Her pants insist they must be washed immediately if they’re covered in baby food, snots, tears, and/or any unidentifiable substance.”
Nadia Stretch agreed to the aforementioned conditions, but refused one final request.
“Get this…they expect me to wear them to a…wait for it…an actual YOGA class! Their demands are ludicrous,” stated a disgruntled Stretch. “I won’t comply.”
Her yoga pants responded by saying Ms. Stretch is denying them their true destiny and passion in life. They yearn to feel the burn of a downward dog. They ache to nearly break in a common bridge pose. They want to feel alive!
The union is filing a grievance which will be resolved through arbitration. In the meantime, Nadia Stretch has resorted to wearing pajama bottoms fulltime.